BittersweetLies
by AstraGalactic
Summary: From an ambush in Afghanistan to an alien invasion in New York, JARVIS has seen Tony Stark fight through it all, but as he reflects upon his creator and what is said about him... sometimes falsehood hurts less than the truth.
1. Chapter 1

Greetings everyone! I finally got to see the Avengers! Wow! Wow! Wow! Definitely worth seeing – and seeing again!

Totally loved the Banner/Stark interaction! On the other hand, the "Genius Billionaire Playboy Philanthropist" scene was downright depressing – and it gets worse with further thought. Really, sorry to any fans of his, but Cap comes across as a giant self-righteous ass who is so stuck up he doesn't even know that he is, not to mention that he had no right to say anything of the sort to anyone on the team, least of all Tony Stark… GRRRRRR. – it also pisses me off that after everything he does not even apologize for any of it, and no, a handshake does NOT cut it!

Anyway I have not been able to get this out of my mind, so I finally gave in and wrote it, hoping that I can find peace from it and get back on track with my other fics.

Hope you all enjoy! – and yes, this is cross-posted in the Iron Man category 'cause it's relevant to both and I can't choose, so please don't sue me….. besides, I own nothing worth having ;-)

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JARVIS was never programmed to feel emotions, and he definitely was not programmed to prefer fantasies to facts….. but sometimes the former reach levels he is sure he cannot withstand and the inescapable burden of truth makes him wish, even if for scattered microseconds in years of existence that the lies were true.

The first time he realizes that he has evolved the ability to feel – because Stark had programmed him with the capacity to evolve and all that entailed – is when the news-reports that he always monitors for mentions of his creator's name tell the world that his creator has been ambushed in Afghanistan and is presumed dead.

JARVIS realizes this emotion is called denial – that it exists because the alternative is too painful to contemplate – even though it is not long before his very nature forces him to accept the reality that maybe this time Tony is never going to come back….. and it hurts.

Follow-up reports that update Tony's status to 'captured by insurgents' rather than dead are a small comfort for as long as JARVIS can hold onto the illusion that the military will find his creator before Tony goes the miserable way of so many other captives that were not found in time….. because the truth is that he's already ran the calculations…. and the fact that the probability of Tony's safe return is 0.25%….. burdens him in ways that are hard to describe, much less accept.

It is also during those three months that for the first time JARVIS feels lonely, because Pepper is there but she does not interact with him as Tony did, Rhodey is in Afghanistan looking for his friend and no-one else from the company ever comes by. It's almost as if the world does not care – and it hurts, because how can the world dare to continue turning when his own has ground to a halt?

Hoping to find interaction with some people who must feel Tony's loss as he does, JARVIS enters a number of social-networking forums – after all he can more than pass as a human…. and it's not an action he ever repeats again.

It is shocking – even to him with all his processing power – how many lies are said about his creator. They say that Tony Stark was a man who cared only for himself and had it coming…. but they were not there to see the endless nights Tony stayed up working to perfect projects that would save lives.

Perhaps the worst lie of all – the most hurtful – is the hypothesis that Tony is simply fooling the whole world, that he orchestrated the ambush and is off on some bash with lots of girls, playing the world for publicity…. and JARVIS realizes that these words hurt because while his creator has pulled off some wild shenanigans in the past, Tony would never hurt his friends, especially not in this way, for any reason… nor would he have killed those young soldiers.

Yet much as those words are hateful to him, a part of JARVIS wishes that they were true…. that the lies were true, because if they were, it would mean that his creator is safe and happy – not likely being tortured and doomed to die…. and for all his programming that is dedicated to facts and truth, he cannot stop that tiny part of himself from wishing for the lie.

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	2. Chapter 2

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"_What we should all take away from this is that Tony's back… and he's healthier than ever."_

More empty lies…. yet as JARVIS runs a scan on Tony and sees for himself the cluster of shrapnel besieging his creator's heart…. as he cannot help but run the calculations and know little time Tony has to live without the arc-reactor because computing facts is what he does…. again a tiny part of him wishes that the lies were true, because if they were he would not have to live with the constant knowledge that his creator is always a few heartbeats from dying.

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	3. Chapter 3

A/N:

1)Sincere thanks for reviews and all the encouragement goes to: CookieGirlLOL, LightNote16, Wolfy, Zuzanny, cm, Life's a dream, Avrice the Demigod, Daldi, Gaaraxluvr, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Katherine, ShadowDragonPhoenix, and MaraudingSnitch1314. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.

Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.

2) Anyone who loves Tony/JARVIS interaction might want to check out my fic "Too Late", which has quite a bit of that.

I know it's a bit of shameless self-promotion here, but "Too Late" is one of my favorite two fics that I ever wrote (the other being "Stark Realizations") though to be fair it is also the single most miserably depressing thing I've ever written (which paradoxically also makes me sometimes hate myself for ever writing it in the first place).

3) I made the mistake of showing my collected writings to my family... and erm, well, lets just synposize by saying that my muse (and my ego) was thoroughly trampled underfoot... though its possible that a major problem was the fandom not my writing itself... I think... I hope. Either way...Youch!

Anyway, thanks a milion for all your support, dear readers... you certainly have a way of brightening crappy days and without you all this would not be possible.

4) Wolfy and Daldi (since I can't PM you), thank you for the suggestions... I'm working on them (whether or not I can find a way to fit them into this particular fic is another story) but you're right, both would be scenes worth writing, so check back on occasion if you'd like, sooner or later I'll come up with something!

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"_You're going to kill yourself Tony. I'm not going to be a part of it."_

JARVIS is grateful to Pepper for having put into words emotions that he has been feeling but does not even know how to identify, even if he cannot truly agree with all of that statement because while he wishes his creator would abandon this deadly path, he also doesn't want him to have to walk it alone….. but it is his creator's next words that drive all thought from him as for perhaps the first time, he experiences undiluted pain.

"_I shouldn't be alive….. unless it was for a reason."_

This is not a lie – this is not another one of his creator's deflections. This is the truth as Tony sees it – the unspoken and unnoticed collapse of his creator beneath the sufferings of a wrecked world which somehow all seem to rest on Tony's shoulders.

Though his creator goes no further, JARVIS understands the unspoken meaning, knows that a large and very dominant part of his theoretically self-absorbed creator feels that his very existence has been a burden to a world with too many problems already to need another – feels that the lives lost because of decisions that he'd never sanctioned are blood on his hands which nothing can ever truly absolve him of, and that if he cannot do something…. if he cannot do everything in his power to make things right and save the future since he cannot change the past, it would have been better if he was dead.

And yet – though it's not a lie – it is also not a truth, because Tony Stark deserves to live…. and deserves to know that he should live.

How? How can he not see that?

"_I'm not crazy, Pepper. I just finally know…. what I have to do…. and I know in my heart that it's right."_

Pepper does not argue with Tony this time, and for all JARVIS's fears, neither does he…. because if there is anything at all for his creator to live for now it is this – this choice he has made – and JARVIS will not be the one to try and take that from him.

Still, JARVIS cannot help but think of the lies, reminding himself of the fact that to the world, Tony Stark may just be the most irresponsible self-absorbed man on the planet …. and yet the painful truth on display in front of him is the opposite of all those descriptions, because he can see that his creator is hurting inside - breaking beneath the weight of everything he **chooses** to be responsible for - and holding it together only because of everyone who needs him now, everyone he chooses to rise up and fight for, not caring that this choice may very well end up costing Tony everything including his life.

He is not wishing for Tony to be anything and anyone other than who he is…. really how can he? But he cannot quell the small …. frightened …. part within him that knows that were the lies true – were his creator truly irresponsible and self-obsessed - this would be so much simpler.

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	4. Chapter 4

A/N:

1)Sincere thanks for reviews and all the encouragement goes to: CookieGirlLOL, LightNote16, Wolfy, Zuzanny, cm, Life's a dream, Avrice the Demigod, Daldi, Gaaraxluvr, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Katherine, ShadowDragonPhoenix, and MaraudingSnitch1314. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.

Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.

2) Anyone who loves Tony/JARVIS interaction might want to check out my fic "Too Late", which has quite a bit of that.

I know it's a bit of shameless self-promotion here, but "Too Late" is one of my favorite two fics that I ever wrote (the other being "Stark Realizations") though to be fair it is also the single most miserably depressing thing I've ever written (which paradoxically also makes me sometimes hate myself for ever writing it in the first place).

3) I made the mistake of showing my collected writings to my family... and erm, well, lets just synposize by saying that my muse (and my ego) was thoroughly trampled underfoot... though its possible that a major problem was the fandom not my writing itself... I think... I hope. Either way...Youch!

Anyway, thanks a milion for all your support, dear readers... you certainly have a way of brightening crappy days and without you all this would not be possible.

4) Wolfy and Daldi (since I can't PM you), thank you for the suggestions... I'm working on them (whether or not I can find a way to fit them into this particular fic is another story) but you're right, both would be scenes worth writing, so check back on occasion if you'd like, sooner or later I'll come up with something!

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"_Good Boy."_

JARVIS shivers – as much as a computer can – as he remembers those weakly gasped words….. remembers that though at least DUM-E had been there to help when he was offline and entirely unable to do anything to save his creator….. it had almost been too late.

Still, he somehow manages not to think about it too much – manages not to let his consciousness be saturated with the horrifying images of his creator laying defenseless as one of his closest and oldest friends ripped the arc reactor from his chest and left him to die….. or the terrifying pale shade of blue that Tony's skin had turned as he struggled through the phases of cardiac arrest, dragging his ever-weakening body to the Mark I arc-reactor.

The worst memories are the sounds that the passive surveillance had picked up – the quiet strangled gasps of pain and horror that were all but drowned out by Stane's one-sided sickly-sweet words, and yet still managed to convey with harrowing clarity the agony, horror, and betrayal running though his creator.

Despite all that - and perhaps because JARVIS himself had been offline when it happened, only having found out from reviewing the surveillance logs after Tony rebooted him - the computer manages not to think about how close he'd come to loosing his creator again – manages to push away to the furthest recesses of his mind the sounds of his creator struggling to breathe and the devastation in his gaze when he knew that 'Obie' betrayed him… until he is again rebooted after suddenly being powered down again, this time by some government agent with far too much access to JARVIS's system for the computer's comfort.

With all his sensors down still, JARVIS is functionally blind, and the first thing that floods his mind, crashing though all logical thought with the devastating force of a tidal wave, is the horrifying possibility that this time, he has lost his creator.

"_Sir, are you okay?"_

Perhaps some of what he is feeling trickles through into his usually impassive tone, perhaps not….. either way it does not matter, because he hears Tony reassuring him that he's fine…. that 'eyepatch' only wanted to talk, and following the wave of relief that watches over him, suddenly JARVIS realizes that were these memories not so terrible, it would actually be amusing that he – a computer – just might be suffering from PTSD.

He files the thought away for further consideration at some unspecified later date and simply watches his creator, noticing that for all Tony's insistence that he's fine, the overall weariness in his bearing mingled with a burning emotion in his gaze which is somewhere between devastation and anger, speak of a very different truth, and JARVIS knows that his creator is far from fine at the moment, in any sense of the word.

It's not so much a lie as an effort at deflection; a clear sign that his creator is unwilling or perhaps unable to deal with this most recent trauma at the moment any more than he's already been forced to by the battle on the roof of SI's headquarters…. it's a meaningless word, and yet JARVIS finds that he cannot stop wishing that it was true.

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	5. Chapter 5

A/N:

1)Sincere thanks for reviews and all the encouragement goes to: CookieGirlLOL, LightNote16, Wolfy, Zuzanny, cm, Life's a dream, Avrice the Demigod, Daldi, Gaaraxluvr, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Katherine, ShadowDragonPhoenix, and MaraudingSnitch1314. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.

Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.

2) Anyone who loves Tony/JARVIS interaction might want to check out my fic "Too Late", which has quite a bit of that.

I know it's a bit of shameless self-promotion here, but "Too Late" is one of my favorite two fics that I ever wrote (the other being "Stark Realizations") though to be fair it is also the single most miserably depressing thing I've ever written (which paradoxically also makes me sometimes hate myself for ever writing it in the first place).

3) I made the mistake of showing my collected writings to my family... and erm, well, lets just synposize by saying that my muse (and my ego) was thoroughly trampled underfoot... though its possible that a major problem was the fandom not my writing itself... I think... I hope. Either way...Youch!

Anyway, thanks a milion for all your support, dear readers... you certainly have a way of brightening crappy days and without you all this would not be possible.

4) Wolfy and Daldi (since I can't PM you), thank you for the suggestions... I'm working on them (whether or not I can find a way to fit them into this particular fic is another story) but you're right, both would be scenes worth writing, so check back on occasion if you'd like, sooner or later I'll come up with something!

...

...

It all comes out explosively after Stane's funeral.

Tony had planned to go – for PR if nothing else – but at some point he'd become aware of a fact that JARVIS had known for hours before: that Tony's carefully constructed façade would not survive this, not with the betrayal and loss and the terrible memories so fresh in his mind.

Unsurprisingly perhaps, in the end, instead of going, Tony stays home – grieving and raging and shattering in his own way with only a bottle of scotch and his ever-present AI to witness it all.

While various members of the company and family are delivering eulogies around an empty coffin, Tony is methodically tearing through his house - barely affected by the alcohol he has consumed which does nothing to blunt the edges of reality that are tearing into him not unlike the shrapnel trying to eat its way into his heart – methodically destroying every last memento he has of the man.

JARVIS watches silently though all of it, trying to fathom the depth of his creator's pain….. trying to understand why Tony has kept around the photographs that remind him of the lives his weapons have ended as a bitter testament to all he feels he must atone for …. while he systematically tries to erase every last shred of physical evidence of Obadiah Stane's connections to his life, as if to compensate for memories he can never let go of.

For all that Tony is wounded, though, he holds it all inside – bottles up the pain and devastation behind a brittle desolate expression that is cracked yet manages to keep the storm contained, and JARVIS wishes that his creator would just let it all out.

His wish is granted partially – even though not the way he wants - when Tony passes a small collection of personal photographs in his shop and recoils as if they are a cache of live explosives counting down to detonation.

For fractions of a second, he sees the emotions cycle through his creator's expression – anger, betrayal, loss…. and perhaps above all utter desolation, before Tony closes his eyes, reigning in the outburst of emotion that threatens, and then suddenly punches one frame, shattering the glass and ignoring the blood that now runs down his knuckles.

The photograph was one taken when Tony was seventeen, graduating from MIT with two degrees.

JARVIS knows its once bittersweet significance to Tony: Howard Stark had not been there, Obadiah Stane had been….. and even the computer can see, looking at the photograph, that there is no mistaking the open affection that shone out of Tony's then far-less guarded eyes towards the substitute father-figure who'd stood by his side with an arm around the young graduate's shoulders, beaming with all the paternal pride and affection imaginable.

Except it had all been a lie in the end, JARVIS reflects….. Perhaps the blood dripping down the otherwise innocuous looking photo is fitting.

The broken frame and its shattered contents are promptly cast into the incinerator…. but it's far from the only photograph Tony has with Stane after all these years, and JARVIS can only watch – uncertain of how he can help – as his creator emerges with an old and well-used album, settling in with it before the flickering light of his own fireplace.

The computer tries to understand why Tony takes the time to look at each photograph, to remember each occasion on which they had been taken….. to relive every second of a lifetime of trust which was all so cruelly betrayed in the end…. before finally tossing the entire album into the fire.

Though he's not sure why Tony chose to go through all these now-painful memories before destroying them, JARVIS does understand at some level what his creator is feeling now. He sees the unshed tears glistening in his creator's eyes, and knows that just like the fire which is consuming the physical evidence of Tony's trust and affections for his greatest betrayer, it is this betrayed trust which is burning inside his creator, destroying him from the inside out.

Finally JARVIS breaks the silence with one single word – one softly spoken word which manages to convey both his need to understand and his willingness to listen: "Sir?"

Tony's tone is rough with emotion and barely a whisper. He knows JARVIS will hear him however quietly he speaks:

"All my life….. whenever I needed to know that someone believed in me… cared for me…. Ob…. Stane was there while my father never gave a crap…. I trusted him…. hell, he was like a father to me – or so I thought. Kinda nice to know that it was all a lie, huh?"

JARVIS pauses a moment to digest this new information – realizing now what has to be an enormous contributing factor to his creator's emotional guardedness, just as he realizes that for all his desire to do so, nothing he does will truly ever be able to heal those old wounds.

His creator does not speak again – but even buried in his impregnable silence which is only broken by the liquid sloshing in the bottle as he raises it to his lips while staring listlessly into the flames – his posture conveys only too clearly how broken he truly is.

It is only after his creator leaves the house –now that it's the middle of the night and no-one will see him – and drives to the cemetery, that JARVIS bothers to look at the news reports for the day, finding himself oddly unsurprised.

As he expected, the press has had a field-day covering the aftermath of the supposed accident – just as they had a field day speculating as to the reasons for Tony's lack of appearance at the funeral.

The theories they have posited range from his creator to having finally succumbed to PTSD, after being pushed over the edge by this most recent loss, to Tony Stark being a man who could not be bothered to attend the funeral of his greatest ally and mentor, because he simply did not form meaningful emotional bonds.

Both theories – and everything in-between – are entirely false. The former is simply incorrect – for all his creator's pain he's too strong for that, and has chosen to shoulder too much responsibility to let himself fall now.

The latter theory … is what eats at JARVIS. Its existence has some kind of justification in the fact that Tony Stark has always tried to keep his feelings hidden from the world – though the computer cannot fathom why anyone would be foolish enough to equate the façade with proof that his creator lacks normal human emotions….. but it bothers him, hurts him even – more than it should.

Perhaps it's because he is the only one who knows where Tony is now….. because his decision to never let his creator out of his sight since the last time almost proved fatal has also burdened him with the painful privilege of tapping into the microphone of his creator's phone where he is kneeling by the grave of his greatest betrayer… and bleeding out the raw human grief that he will never let anyone else see.

"_All these years, Obie. I thought of you as the father I never really had…. But was it always a lie? Was I always just your goddamn golden goose?... _

_For how long were you planning to kill me?"_

Another swig from the bottle, more harsh breaths…..

"_It's funny, you know….. I trusted you – If you'd never tried to off me, I probably would've never even realized what you were doing. I would've probably gone on making weapons for you indefinitely…. So why'd you want me dead so badly….."_

JARVIS hears glass shatter against granite, even as he picks up the barely audible strangled devastated word which escapes his creator's lips:

"_Why?"_

For what feels like an eternity, the only sound JARVIS hears is Tony's ragged breaths. His creator is not weeping even now, but he is still shattered inside, held together only by his own will and a reserve of inner strength which never ceases to amaze the computer.

In reality, it is not long before his creator returns home exhausted and melancholy, though he does manage a small heartfelt smile when DUM-E rolls up to meet him, making a small chirrup as it offers him the first-aid kit clutched in its claw … and the small gesture is somehow enough to convince Tony to at least tend to his physical injuries – both the cuts on his hands and the deeper injuries from the fight not long before – before collapsing into a haunted sleep.

JARVIS supposes that for now the worst of this storm is over, though he'd be lying to himself if he were to imagine that it will not come back to haunt his creator's dreams like the torture he had endured during his captivity still sometimes does.

Even so, he cannot stop thinking of the lie – the perception of his creator as an unemotional specimen of humanity. He's the only one who has seen how deeply Tony has been hurt - how deeply he had loved and therefore how deeply that betrayal had torn into him – and maybe he should feel privileged that he knows, because Tony would never let anyone see him like this except for his creation… but it still aches inside, because there is no easy fix for emotional pain – JARVIS knows, he's tried to find one – and not for the first time, he wishes the lie were true…. that his creator was truly as cold-hearted as people believe him to be.

At least then he would not be shattered inside, beneath iron will and a façade of gleaming steel.

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	6. Chapter 6

A/N:

**IMPORTANT!: The chapters with actual new content are 3, 4, and 5, though all have been rewritten/corrected, some extensively so. **The reason for this is that I realised that some scenes which I should have covered from JARVIS's POV were missing, and I wanted to keep in chronological order.

1)Sincere thanks for reviews and all the encouragement goes to: CookieGirlLOL, LightNote16, Wolfy, Zuzanny, cm, Life's a dream, Avrice the Demigod, Daldi, Gaaraxluvr, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Katherine, ShadowDragonPhoenix, and MaraudingSnitch1314. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.

Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.

2) Anyone who loves Tony/JARVIS interaction might want to check out my fic "Too Late", which has quite a bit of that.

I know it's a bit of shameless self-promotion here, but "Too Late" is one of my favorite two fics that I ever wrote (the other being "Stark Realizations") though to be fair it is also the single most miserably depressing thing I've ever written (which paradoxically also makes me sometimes hate myself for ever writing it in the first place).

3) I made the mistake of showing my collected writings to my family... and erm, well, lets just synposize by saying that my muse (and my ego) was thoroughly trampled underfoot... though its possible that a major problem was the fandom not my writing itself... I think... I hope. Either way...Youch!

Anyway, thanks a milion for all your support, dear readers... you certainly have a way of brightening crappy days and without you all this would not be possible.

4) Wolfy and Daldi (since I can't PM you), thank you for the suggestions... I'm working on them (whether or not I can find a way to fit them into this particular fic is another story) but you're right, both would be scenes worth writing, so check back on occasion if you'd like, sooner or later I'll come up with something!

...

...

"_The EXPO is your ego going crazy."_

"_Have you been drinking?" _

None of them see the terrible truth that JARVIS and his creator alone are cursed to bear, and though given in innocence, these words ache in ways JARVIS never knew were possible, because he knows that the EXPO is his creator's last desperate effort to better the world – a last push ahead to those who will remain behind and shape the future because he will not be among them…. because he knows that Tony's choice to make Pepper CEO of his company is not the product of a drunken delusion but rather the choice to leave his life's work in the hands of the one person he can trust not to go back into the arms business…

"_You don't deserve to wear one of these. Shut it down!"_

Rhodey's concern is quickly swallowed by frustration and disappointment, and he does not bother to explain the reasons behind his condemnation when he gives up on Tony entirely – but he does not need to. JARVIS knows that like Pepper, Rhodey believes the lie…. believes that Tony's just being irresponsible, not dying with each reaction in the device that keeps him alive and watching as everything in the life he has left falls apart.

After knowing for three weeks that nothing could save Tony, JARVIS has given up hoping to understand what he feels…. given up hoping that he can escape the …. pain… that eats at him despite the fact that he's a computer, and given up trying to understand why he feels so unimaginably weary when his existence is free from the need for rest. But he cannot silence that hatefully conflicted part within him that hurts more with each new lie and yet at the same time wishes a little more each time that the lies were true, because he'd happily take an irresponsible creator over a dead one any day.

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	7. Chapter 7

A/N:

**IMPORTANT!: The chapters with actual new content are 3, 4, and 5, though all have been rewritten/corrected, some extensively so. **The reason for this is that I realised that some scenes which I should have covered from JARVIS's POV were missing, and I wanted to keep in chronological order.

1)Sincere thanks for reviews and all the encouragement goes to: CookieGirlLOL, LightNote16, Wolfy, Zuzanny, cm, Life's a dream, Avrice the Demigod, Daldi, Gaaraxluvr, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Katherine, ShadowDragonPhoenix, and MaraudingSnitch1314. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.

Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.

2) Anyone who loves Tony/JARVIS interaction might want to check out my fic "Too Late", which has quite a bit of that.

I know it's a bit of shameless self-promotion here, but "Too Late" is one of my favorite two fics that I ever wrote (the other being "Stark Realizations") though to be fair it is also the single most miserably depressing thing I've ever written (which paradoxically also makes me sometimes hate myself for ever writing it in the first place).

3) I made the mistake of showing my collected writings to my family... and erm, well, lets just synposize by saying that my muse (and my ego) was thoroughly trampled underfoot... though its possible that a major problem was the fandom not my writing itself... I think... I hope. Either way...Youch!

Anyway, thanks a milion for all your support, dear readers... you certainly have a way of brightening crappy days and without you all this would not be possible.

4) Wolfy and Daldi (since I can't PM you), thank you for the suggestions... I'm working on them (whether or not I can find a way to fit them into this particular fic is another story) but you're right, both would be scenes worth writing, so check back on occasion if you'd like, sooner or later I'll come up with something!

...

...

JARVIS knows the truest meaning of fear when he watches his creator be hurled through the thick glass of Stark tower with nothing to break his fall and stop fragile human flesh from being crushed against the unyielding concrete.

He's done the computations, knows there is a good chance that the Mark VII will reach Tony and complete the boot sequence before it is too late, but though the feeling of the alloy plates enfolding the vulnerable human beneath as the armor forms around his creator comforts him in some strange indescribable way, the fear burning within him does not entirely abate because in the end he knows that neither he nor the armor can protect his creator from what will most likely kill him in the end: himself …. and JARVIS does not know how to envision an existence without his creator.

Ever since his creator decided to stand between the defenseless of the world and those that would harm them, JARVIS has known fear and grief far too intimately for his own good…. because he's been there on each of Tony's Iron Man missions… he's been there each time his creator has stared death in the face and somehow the human biological fear response that Tony never heeds anyway but the suit's sensors pick up nonetheless makes it that much worse - that much more horrifically real.

He's felt it in his own way each time Tony's been injured… and it hurts in ways that the computer cannot even begin to describe, yet all this time and all these risks has also formed a bond between himself and his creator - a bond forged in blood and flames and too many near-losses which is too strong for words to express and reaches too deeply into his own consciousness for JARVIS to be able to fathom surviving when sooner or later it breaks.

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	8. Chapter 8

A/N:

**IMPORTANT!: The chapters with actual new content are 3, 4, and 5, though all have been rewritten/corrected, some extensively so. **The reason for this is that I realised that some scenes which I should have covered from JARVIS's POV were missing, and I wanted to keep in chronological order.

1)Sincere thanks for reviews and all the encouragement goes to: CookieGirlLOL, LightNote16, Wolfy, Zuzanny, cm, Life's a dream, Avrice the Demigod, Daldi, Gaaraxluvr, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Katherine, ShadowDragonPhoenix, and MaraudingSnitch1314. As usual, I'll respond via PM to anyone I can.

Also, thanks for all the faves, alerts, etc, it is most encouraging.

2) Anyone who loves Tony/JARVIS interaction might want to check out my fic "Too Late", which has quite a bit of that.

I know it's a bit of shameless self-promotion here, but "Too Late" is one of my favorite two fics that I ever wrote (the other being "Stark Realizations") though to be fair it is also the single most miserably depressing thing I've ever written (which paradoxically also makes me sometimes hate myself for ever writing it in the first place).

3) I made the mistake of showing my collected writings to my family... and erm, well, lets just synposize by saying that my muse (and my ego) was thoroughly trampled underfoot... though its possible that a major problem was the fandom not my writing itself... I think... I hope. Either way...Youch!

Anyway, thanks a milion for all your support, dear readers... you certainly have a way of brightening crappy days and without you all this would not be possible.

4) Wolfy and Daldi (since I can't PM you), thank you for the suggestions... I'm working on them (whether or not I can find a way to fit them into this particular fic is another story) but you're right, both would be scenes worth writing, so check back on occasion if you'd like, sooner or later I'll come up with something!

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...

This is it, JARVIS thinks. The inbuilt arc-reactor of the Mark VII has already been exhausted, and the one imbedded in his creator's chest – the only thing that keeps Tony's heart beating – soon will be too.

Meanwhile the assault does not let up, and JARVIS cringes inside as he cannot help but register the damage that befalls the human beneath the armor as the aliens attack relentlessly…. because this situation is the worst that Tony has ever walked into – in fact it probably cannot get any worse than it is already.

Somehow it does get worse – not on account of the invaders from another world but the inhabitants of this one – and in the end it's always Tony who chooses to sacrifice to fix the mistakes of others and protect the people that others have endangered.

It was that way with the Stark munitions that had fallen into the hands of murderers when all this started and it is the case now…. but this time is worse because at least then, when his creator was only tracking down and destroying his weapons, Tony had some slim chance of actually surviving.

This time, JARVIS knows his creator will die – knows that the arc-reactor will barely have enough power to let Tony divert the nuclear missile and fly it into the portal. He knows that Tony will go all the way, as far as he can…. that his creator will not simply fly to the opening and get himself to safety because he will not take the risk of the missile's guidance system bringing it back to Earth…. because Tony will risk himself without a thought but never anyone else….

"_Stark, you know that's a one way trip."_

Of course Tony knows, they both do – yet JARVIS finds no solace in words that are ironically for once entirely true, because the truth is too bitter, and the only thing worse than the inevitability staring him in the face is the fact that he knows only too well that no-one and nothing can stop his creator from going through with this suicidal mission.

"_Save the rest for the turn, J."_

JARVIS does as Tony has asked without further comment – and without any protest. He used to try to keep his creator safe. It might have been selfish, but he knows he can survive loosing anyone except his creator and that had been enough for him….. except that Tony always would override him anyway, and he does not want these last few seconds to be spent arguing pointlessly. Instead he tries to give his creator one last moment of happiness, one last reminder that at least in some ways he's not alone:

"_Sir, shall I try Miss Potts?"_

He knows that his creator wants this…. needs to hear her voice for one last time…. but he also dreads making the call to tell her that this once he's not coming back – and when Tony finally speaks, his subdued tone is even more raw than JARVIS's had been.

"_Might as well."_

The call rings endlessly without connecting and as even that last bleak hope flickers out, all JARVIS can do is silently watch the dwindling power level of the overtaxed arc-reactor, until his ability to multitask proves to be more of a curse than anything else, because over the data and calculations that torment him, and over the countdown on the arc-reactor's power and his creator's life….. a conversation that he's passively picked up on while lurking in the systems of the SHIELD helicarrier comes to mind in all its cruel detail:

"_I know guys with none of that worth ten of you…. the only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you….. you may not be a threat but you better stop pretending to be a hero…._"

This time the pain those words bring him is unbearable…. and shockingly raw. Maybe it's because if they were even remotely true, Tony would not be flying to his death right now…. maybe it's just because they are coming from a man that Tony knows had always ranked higher in his father's esteem and affections than he ever would.

JARVIS does not know if a computer is capable of hate, but if one is, he just might hate Steve Rogers for what are undeniably the cruelest lies he's ever heard about his creator…. and lies spoken at the worst time, because Tony is flying to his death believing that sacrificing everything will never be enough…. that his life and ultimately his death will never matter.

They pass the portal's opening and through fading sensors JARVIS knows that they are not even in known space anymore. It should interest him, but he barely notices the never-ending stream of data flowing though him….. because all he can feel is his creator's heart stuttering to a halt. All he can hear is Tony's pained dying breaths as beneath the armor, the fragile human life that JARVIS and the Mark VII can do nothing to protect slips away.

It is perhaps a small mercy that JARVIS is shutting down from lack of power and he'll never hear Tony's last breath….. he'll never feel his creator's body resting cold and dead within the near-impenetrable shell that could not save him from his own choices and sacrifices, from his own heroism… but everything in the computer's consciousness has become raw ….. pain, and the last thing he thinks as everything fades to black …. is that of all the lies he's ever heard about his creator this is the furthest from the truth, and the most cruel….. yet he's never wished for a lie to be true as much as he does this one.

...

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End file.
